FYI: there are FIFTY THREE countries in Africa. Count them. It is the world’s second largest continent, and also the second most populated after Asia. Did you spot the mystery word? Yes! Prizes for those who identified the word CONTINENT in that sentence. Not to be confused with country.
I blame CNN. Who wouldn’t? Seriously though. Have you ever watched a CNN weather forecast? The neatly dressed fully-certified broadcast meteorologist (weather girl is so un-PC) smiles gaily and gesticulates in the general direction of the Sudan and says, ‘Africa will be hot today.’ AAAARG! No wonder people think Africans are all black, speak the same language and dance around in furs (when they aren’t hitching a ride on an elephant to get to the battlefield/drum circle). A great story my mom tells is when she was young she had a pen pal from Australia and the girl asked her some very silly questions about life in South Africa. So my mom went and got a postcard of some bare breasted Zulu maidens in front of a hut and wrote on the back, ‘this is me and my family in front of our home’. Needless to say, she never heard from her pen pal again.
Now most Canadians don’t wear plaid, say ‘oot and aboot’ or live in igloos (sorry to shatter the illusion), and most Americans aren’t dumb and loud. Most Italians aren’t lewd and members of the Mafia. You see my point. I not only b
lame CNN, but the media in general. I mean, I know that borders and countries change in Africa a lot, but how come when you read an article about somewhere in Europe, they always mention the country and the city? People talk about going to Africa (and it’s pronounced ‘AAAhfricka’ here), forgetting it covers about 6% of the Earth’s surface, and that you might want to be a little more specific than that.
lame CNN, but the media in general. I mean, I know that borders and countries change in Africa a lot, but how come when you read an article about somewhere in Europe, they always mention the country and the city? People talk about going to Africa (and it’s pronounced ‘AAAhfricka’ here), forgetting it covers about 6% of the Earth’s surface, and that you might want to be a little more specific than that. Sadly, what one tends to see here a lot on TV are those bleeding heart, ‘sponsor an African child’ ads, where some B-Grade celebrity manhandles starving African children with flies on their noses and kwashiorkor bellies. Now I am fully aware that there are wars, genocides, starvation, disease and all the other cheerful things in the world stalking many parts of my great continent, but there are also industrious, prosperous cities, world-class tourist resorts, intelligent, self-serving citizens and an extreme variety of flora, fauna and … modern amenities!
I was watching The Lion King this morning (Disclaimer: I am sick, and therefore am perfectly entitled to stay in my PJs all day watching Disney films) and seeing as I have years of critical analysis study behind me, I couldn’t help but look a little deeper behind the perky animation and the catchy beat of Hakuna Matata. Why do they all have American accents, EXCEPT for the baboon? How is it that they live in a place that looks like Tanzania (Kilimanjaro seems to make an appearance at the beginning), but they also have rolling sand dunes (Sahara?), jungle (the Amazon?), plus the more correct savannah? Amazing! I know, I know, it’s a kid’s movie, but there is no JUNGLE in Africa. Sub tropical and tropical rainforest, yes, but you don’t get lions there. And there are no tigers in Africa. And no bears, either.
I could go on and on. I won’t even go into the Zimbabwe crisis and how the world (and I won’t excuse South Africa from this) has been ignoring it until now. I won’t mention the Always Ultra ad that talks about a gi
rl from a village in Southern Africa (which of the 5 or so countries could she be from??)… You read lists of places where people will talk about friends they have made in France, China, Delaware, Africa… How do we leap from states to countries to continents? And my personal favourite is when people ask me where I am from and then I see the cogs churning in their brains and I can almost hear them say ‘But she is white, how can she be from Africa?’ and then I ask them, ‘Have you heard of apartheid?’. ‘Yes, yes, we studied it in school.’ So what was that all about? Yes. There had to be some white people around to, you know, oppress the masses.
rl from a village in Southern Africa (which of the 5 or so countries could she be from??)… You read lists of places where people will talk about friends they have made in France, China, Delaware, Africa… How do we leap from states to countries to continents? And my personal favourite is when people ask me where I am from and then I see the cogs churning in their brains and I can almost hear them say ‘But she is white, how can she be from Africa?’ and then I ask them, ‘Have you heard of apartheid?’. ‘Yes, yes, we studied it in school.’ So what was that all about? Yes. There had to be some white people around to, you know, oppress the masses. So spread the word, people. Africa is in fact a continent, made up of a diverse range of radically different places, from Egypt to Ethiopia, Libya to Lesotho, Namibia to Nigeria. And remember, Africa will also be hot today. Hakuna Matata.
the canadian chronicles 
June 24, 2008 at 10:04 pm
This post is full of good, strong seething, it makes me want to write my own piece.
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June 25, 2008 at 12:03 am
Thanks, RK – please do! Maybe if we seethe loud enough, someone will hear and train the damn CNN weather people better!
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June 25, 2008 at 6:24 am
Another problem with Americans and Canadians is that they’re confused by the name of South Africa. Often they think the South indicates the location of where we’re talking about in Africa, like Western Europe, rather than a discrete country name. But yes, also CNN’s fault. Fuck you, CNN!Great post except the thing about “aboot”. You must remember that you are in the gentrified haven of British Columbia, but in Toronto (and Eastern Canada), I have hear a lot of people say “aboot” without any apparent irony.
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June 25, 2008 at 9:49 am
I also got the “but you´re white, how can you be from Africa?´ line More surprisingly there were three or four times when I was talking to people about South Africa and they came up with: ´but I thought there were ONLY white people in South Africa´. This baffled me for a while, until I realised that many (although by no means all) of the South Africans one encounters in Europe are indeed white.
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June 25, 2008 at 3:53 pm
I’m in Africa today – quite close to the pointy claw part at the bottom that seems to beacon lovingly at Antarctica – and it is chilly today. About 18 degrees C.Luckily we have amenities like, y’know, blankets and hot water bottles. While travelling I was once asked, without irony, where South Africa was.
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June 25, 2008 at 4:55 pm
I think we’re a bit harsh with the “where’s South Africa” question.For instance, everyone with a basic education has heard of Latvia. Could we point out it’s precise coordinates without looking on a map? I know I couldn’t. But I’ve heard of it and know it’s in Europe.I think it’s a similar thing for many Americans. The large majority have heard of SA, are aware it’s in AAAAfrica, but couldn’t really say exactly. Just like we couldn’t say the American states that border Tennessee.
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June 25, 2008 at 5:55 pm
Mark – The east/west divide is probably a topic for a whole other blog, and I would say that Newfies, Cape Bretonners etc are guilty of the ‘aboot’, but we tend to be a bit more cosmopolitan here 🙂 that and most people actually speak Mandarin or Punjabi in Vancouver.TM/Mark- I agree with you that most (including myself) are pretty hazy when it comes to pinpointing other countries on a map, but seriously, we were blessed/cursed with a pretty boring, fairly telling country name. South. Africa. Not many other places it could be, other than…. south. In Africa. I agree it is rather generic though, so people are allowed to be confused. Another topic for another post is how annoying it is that people think I am from Australia.
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June 26, 2008 at 10:28 am
But Americans know where South Korea is??!!Ok, ok, they probably know North Korea more because of good ol’ Kim Jong Il who made it famous, not only by his communist ways, but by his cameo in ‘Team America’. I’m assuming since not all Americans are fat and stupid they have the rationale to put 2 and 2 together to figure out that South Korea must be south of North Korea. My Point is: there’s another country with a name stating exactly where it can be found on the world map.On a slight tangent – I do love the way ‘team America’ refers to countries in their relation to the USA. A great watch for those who loved this post!
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July 9, 2008 at 2:34 pm
Among everyone else’s intimidatingly intelligent comments, may i just say that you killed a part of my childhood when you pointed out there were no bears in africa.now that you mention it, i realise it must be true, but until now i think somewhere in my subconsicous, i have always hoped to meet one. i blame circuses. make one think every bloody animal is indigenous.
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July 9, 2008 at 5:46 pm
Oh Squeeze, it is not my intention to crush anyone’s childhood fantasies, just to destroy CNN’s reputation 🙂 and just for you, we’ll keep the bear myth going…
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August 6, 2008 at 8:33 am
Spare a thought for those ex-pats hailing from places such as Turkmenistan, which even after half my life spent studying, I’d still need to scratch my head and ask google maps for a hand. What’s the bet it’s so not on there?
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August 7, 2008 at 1:57 am
A good point, Michael, we can’t profess to know every spot on the map (nor can Google). But think of what Sasha Baron Cohen did did for Kazekhstan!
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