I guess in a mere three days, I will attempt an answer to that question. I am SO excited to be heading south for the first time in four years, and I can’t WAIT to see friends and family, but I am also filled with some nervousness and anticipation.
Not only am I a little nervous and completely unenthusiastic about the 23 or so hours of flying ahead of me, I am also a little nervous of what it is all going to be like. I have been through a lot in the last three or four years, and I realised that I have developed and changed (even though some days I feel I am regressing :), and I am interested to see what has changed and developed in my beloved home country, and the Mother City.
I am intrigued to see the post-World Cup changes, and to meet the several trillion babies that have happened since I have been away, but I am also really intrigued to see how and/or if I still fit in somewhere into the picture. Is this still somewhere I could live? Are my friendships the same? (I already know some of these have changed since I have been away). Are my old favourites still around? What new places are there in store? SO many questions… and I have a LOT of time to sit and think about the answers on my way there, but I won’t truly know until I get there.
I have also realised that in such an odyssey, there is no way I am going to be able to fit everyone in and do everything I want to do, but I have to make sure that I do what I want to do, without trying to please everybody except for me! Too often I put others ahead of me, and although it is noble to be compassionate and helpful, I don’t want to end up feeling resentful because I sacrificed my own enjoyment.
I am sad, so sad, that The Husband can’t come too, especially as it will be our first Christmas apart in five years, and I will miss my Canadian family too, but I am also really excited and so happy to be heading into another summer and to Christmas with my parents! So, it is no wonder I am a muddle of feelings and thoughts, and I am also trying to get everything done work-wise, wrapping up the term, as well as putting the finishing touches on some projects, so it has been SO busy!
I am really looking forward to taking my precious dog for a walk and hanging out with friends and family, drinking South African wine, and perhaps a cheeky bite of biltong (despite my pseudo-vegetarianism, this might be where I crumble 🙂
I just need to get through the next few days, the packing, and then I will see…