It should be so easy, but sometimes it is so damn hard to communicate what you really mean without a backlog of emotions, old hurts, buried anxieties bubbling to the fore. Then you end up with confrontation, instead of the clear message you set out to deliver.
It’s so interesting that we talk talk talk all day in and out, but sometimes when it really matters, words fail us. And sometimes we don’t say the things we want or should say, and other times we don’t shut up when we should. And then there are the times we should reach out and talk to people and let them know what we are thinking, and it is just so damn hard, so we avoid avoid out of fear.
There are also all those unanswered questions we sometimes have. Why did you stop being my friend by just not calling any more? Why did you say that nasty thing? Why did we never go out? Why did we break up? Why did you cheat? You know, the endless list of nagging questions that we don’t necessarily want answered, but that we still wish we knew and that we can’t get out of our heads.
And the irony is that it is not that hard, when you practice a little, to communicate without confronting. Sometimes the harder skill is learning to listen without being defensive or hearing what we want to hear or adding meaning that isn’t there.
My job is communication, and I still find it sometimes so difficult to say what I mean. And sometimes I don’t really mean what I say because it doesn’t come out of my mouth right. It’s a murky world.
It has to be about respect, listening, and practice, in whatever we do, and taking the time to talk things through with someone, or figure out our purpose – what are we trying to achieve with those words? How is the audience going to react, so how should we adapt the message to suit the audience? These are the fundamentals of communication theory, so why is it so hard in the “real” world?
Sometimes, too, the most important things to say are “I’m sorry” and “I love you” and they can be the very hardest to say.
I wonder why?